is it bad that i feel like i have nobody to go to right now, like im too fucking modest to call my friends and cry to them about how much i still love him, that instead i leave class to cry my fucking eyes out in the bathroom, where nobody can see me .. he is always hurting me and i KNOW he isnt doing it on purpose, but even when he walks by me in the hallways my heart breaks just a little more. i dont really get why i cant just be over him like hes over me. He has a new girlfriend, and im busy hooking up with some guy that doesnt give 2 shits for me… i miss him more than anything, i miss feeling important to somebody, i miss feeling like im the person somebody goes to sleep thinking about and wakes up early to text you “goodmorning babe” to, and i dont get why he cant just talk to me without me starting the conversation, even though i know seeing his name on my phone breaks me, i still love the thought he remembers me…. is it bad that i never deleted the heart from his contact?  i dont want anybody worrying about me, but sometimes its imbearable to the point where my whole day is messed up because he kissed HER (not me) in the hallway… yeah i get this happens to just about every girl in the world, but he was sooo fucking good at making me feel like it wouldnt, like i was the only girl he’d ever love, like i was actually important for a change. literally not ONE day goes by that i dont cry because i accidentally hear OUR SONG or see a picture that reminds me of him or run by his necklace in my jewlery case.. in a strange way i feel happy that he’s not going through what im going through, im glad he’s happy with her, but its pretty depressing that its not me he’s happy with. It makes me feel like the worst person in the world because i still blame him for all of my pain when i kind of brought it onto myself for being prude, i could of just done “it” and we might of had a chance… i messed up & im paying for it. is it bad that i feel comfortable showing hundreds of people my story but can’t call my bestfriend and tell her how badly im hurt.? yeah this is all together fucked up.